Thumbprint on the World

Before I die (ten years, tops), I’d like to leave Tulsa better than I found it. Since I arrived in the oil slump of 1985, this may not be as difficult as it sounds. That was the year they closed Froug’s for good and the crepes at Magic Pan started tasting like Joplin.

My current plan is Shade Sails for Boston Avenue (SS+BA). From the last day of Passover until the first tornado, it’s actually pleasant to walk the streets of the city. I like the stretch from Elote south. You can say hi to Johnny, the genius pizzaiola at Copaneazi’s, and then down to Libby Billings’ other restaurant, The Vault.

The problem is that around that first tornado, the suns starts vaporizing the streets of the city. Whatever pleasures might be had—the traditional browsing of the urban flaneur, stracciatella gelato from a streetside cooler—is obliterated in the atomic blast of summer. We don’t have much pedestrian traffic to begin with. By the middle of May, it’s gone like the Joads to California.

My plan is to bring back the pleasures of strolling. Travelling north from the corner of Boston and 6th Street, I’d like to see a proof-of-concept project this summer. Let’s mount simple attachment rings on the buildings that line Boston, staggered twenty and thirty feet above the pavement. We might need some poles for mid-street tethering. Using those carabiner clips with spring-loaded prongs, let’s then attach shade sails all the way north, right to Third Street at the Hyatt Regency. From there, we’ll need to skip to First Street, then over the tracks straight into the arts district. At that point, we’d be right next to Guthrie Green. No buildings? No matter. We’d use those stout support poles like the ones at the Discovery Lab on the far west side.

You’re already thinking: what about snow? I’m already thinking, who gives a sh-t*? There’s only one snow each winter and it’s no big deal. But if we’re careful to use triangular sails and mount one corner of each sail lower than the rest, the snow will likely slide off like whipped cream.

You’re also thinking, what about color? I propose that every time the sails need to be replaced, we use whatever is the Pantone Color of the Year. This year, for example, its Mocha Mousse. But please check with me to confirm the choice. Sometimes the Pantone color is insane.

I would also appreciate being credited with this idea. When the sails go up, I’d like to see a plaque that reads “Boston Avenue Shade Sails - Honoring the Vision of Marc Boone Fitzerman.” Long after I’m dead, I’d like my grandchildren to know that I was the kind of man who gave back to my city. One way or another, I’m determined to be famous.

*Still working on the question of obscenities in published material. I’ll get back to you on this.